I woke up this morning choking on my anxiety. My heart racing, palms sweaty. How did I get to this place? I’ve been here before and I swore I wouldn’t do it to myself again.… More
It started with a lone cry
before time was time
not knowing if anyone heard
or worse, if anyone cared.
But someone heard.
Together they were beaten and spit on, ripped open, their throats stolen.
Through rasping breath and silent cries
we drank their defiant tears.
For some, we had not tasted tears before, for others
with bloodied knuckles, broken arms, swollen feet, faces raw,
it is water.
The earth is rumbling
the silent are no longer comfortable
the water is flowing.
A lone cry is heard.
Heard by millions.
Shaking the earth with each step.
The official trailer for our podcast, Mars 2060, has been posted today. I realize now that I may have a problem. I can’t stop checking Facebook to see how many views we’ve gotten. Seriously, like every few minutes. I’m not getting anything done.
I think it’s time for me to look into some meditation podcasts and chill the f*!K out. So, if you have any recommendations, PLEASE for the love of my & my poor husband’s sanity post them in the comments section.
If you’re curious to check out the trailer, you can find it on our Facebook Page.
No matter what happens with this podcast we’ve been working on for… a very long time, I have to say I’m damn proud of what we’ve made. For me, it’s already a success.
I am changed from the experience. I am grateful for every single hour that was spent creating this story. Even the hours that led to days and sometimes months when I was in a full-on panic worrying it was all crap.
I mean to write in this blog once a week, every Sunday as a matter of fact. In the end, I seem to remember to do it once a month. That’s going to be good enough for now. I’ve been busy.
We are officially wrapped on recording our podcast. We are in the editing stage right now. Editing 31 interviews down to 9 episodes. We launch November 2nd, mark your calendars! (www.mars2060podcast.com) It’s hard to believe after more than a year we’re about ready to release this beast out into the wild.
The other great news I received a month ago (a week after I quit my job) was receiving my first paid screenwriting gig. The outline has been written and sent off to the producers and now after all that excitement and build-up, I wait…
I refresh my email a million times a day checking to see if they’ve emailed me back. It’s been four days now and I’m going c-r-a-z-y. My mind is building a million outcomes. Like they read it right away and hated it so much that they printed it out just so they could burn it. My husband tells me they probably haven’t even read it yet. I’ll try to focus on that excuse.
Either way, I’m excited to be pursuing the work I love. The work that consumes me and makes me forget the time.
What work makes you giddy? When is Work more fun than Fun for you?
I continue pushing forward on my latest script with my writing partner who’s based in NYC. Things are going well. I think we’ll be half way through the first draft by the end of the week. It’s important for me with my first drafts to not spend too much time looking back or I’ll just get stuck editing the same scene over and over. I love when things pop up while you’re writing and you have no idea where the idea came from. The characters and the story takes over and tells you what happens and the only thing you can do is write it down.
My other writing/producing partner and I finished recording our first interview for our podcast we’ve written. I finished editing the sound on it this morning. This one is scarier. This one we’ll be involving 30 actors to read our words and we’ll be posting it for anyone to listen to. One fun thing that happened during the recording session is I was able to change the words as I was listening to them. If something didn’t sound natural or believable, I could just change it. It made my writing feel more like a living thing. I could cut things, add to them, switch them around all while it was being recorded. Writing can feel very solitary, but once you add the heart of the actor to your words, it has a life of its own. She discovered things I didn’t even know were there.
I was reading the blog, Freckled Italian yesterday and loved her blog entry titled, Some Things I Believe Right Now. Inspired, I thought I would make a list as well.
Right now, I believe
in early morning writing sessions
in taking photos of cloud patterns
in believing what you love can become your career even if you don’t know exactly what that will look like.
in slow walks after work with my sweetheart
in fresh cut lawns and bison burgers on the grill
What do you believe in right now?
We knew we would get here at some point, my writing partner and I. We’ve been working on our project for almost a year now. We’ve written draft after draft of our podcast. We’ve found the right microphones and software for recording it. And now here we are.
Actually putting ourselves out there and involving other artists. It’s for real now. Yesterday we sat across from each other airing out our nerves about the next step. To some people it may not seem like a big deal. To us, we feel like we’re cracking ourselves open, revealing everything, even the most sensitive parts. But when it comes to times like this there’s nothing left to do but stop over-thinking things and put one foot in front of the other. And when the nerves start to win, we just remind ourselves that “at least we’re doing it”. We refuse to sit on the sidelines. So here we go. Stay tuned.
I’ve been gone for a few weeks for work but I’m back and ready to keep working on my goals!
Since I’ve had my head buried in work stuff, not much has changed on the creative front for me. What has changed is as of last Friday I started a new job. A “9-5/M-F” job. I haven’t had one of those in a very long time. I was looking for more security with the idea that on my off time I would have more energy to focus on my writing. The first day went well, and as first days tend to go (I’m assuming), where you don’t know anything and feel a bit like an idiot, but people were nice and cool with my cluelessness.
This weekend I’ve been brainstorming ways to schedule my life where I can hold on to the things that are important to me. (working out, writing, acting, spending time with my husband and friends) When I worked for myself I could choose the hours I worked and even though the days were long, if I didn’t start work until 10am on some days, I would just finish later that day. Or if I needed to travel, I could work from wherever I went, even South Africa. So, this is a huge change for me that I’m a little nervous about, but ready to figure out how to make it work. If anyone has read any great books about time management or have any good tips, please let me know! (waking up at 5am isn’t a tip I could use, but I’m willing to shoot for 6am)
Creatively, my writing partner is getting married in a couple weeks, so we start casting and shooting in May. Hopefully we’ll have a few episodes done by the end of the month. My other writing partner has a business trip in a week, so we will start our script in May as well, though I might try and get a jump on it this week. We’ve finally finished the outline and beat sheet, so we’re well on our way. Especially if I take away the pressure of a first draft, those are never good anyhow. Better to get started.
I had another productive writing week. The outline for the feature length script I’m working on with my partner in NYC is almost done. We are 3/4’s of the way through. I’m hoping to finish it up by next weekend so we can finally start writing. The outlines are always a slog for me. Though I’m grateful for it in the end because the script come out so much faster when you know the way.
My podcast is where I could use some advice from anyone who’s done any podcasting. We finished up the third draft last week and are moving into character breakdowns for casting. Even though it’s a fictional podcast, we have it set up as an interview format, so we don’t need anything fancy (sound effects, etc.), just two microphones for the reporter and interviewee. We have three interviews with different characters each episode. Any advice on where to record/software to use/microphones you like? I’m trying to decide if we just want to “home studio” it or rent out a professional studio. We don’t have a lot to spend.
As of mid-May, we should have our first episode released! I can’t wait to see what people think. We’ve been living with it since last May. It’s amazing how big it feels. I walk around with it inside me, taking up so much space all the time, but no one would know it by looking at me. I feel like I’m about to explode with sci-fi excitement, bits of Mars, spaceships, dust storms and solar flares spewing everywhere. You’ve been warned.
My writing partner and I have been busy working on the 3rd draft of our podcast this week; filling in holes, fixing some scientific mistakes. I’m not sure how long it will take us on this final round before we start recording, but I’m hoping we can get through it relatively quickly. I’m crossing my fingers for two weeks. We’ll see…
My other writing partner and I are working on a script, we’re very much in the early stages – we’re busting out the outline, scene by scene. As of yesterday, we are half way through. 20 more scenes to go, but I’m hoping we’ll be able to knock that out in two or three weeks as well depending on what happens with another fun thing that came back around this week.
Hence the title of this post. The writing partner in the 2nd paragraph and I (we live on opposite sides of the country) were in the running to work on a script. This all started last July. We found out about the opportunity with a day to spare, but worked hard on the outline and our pitch. After months of waiting it was down to us and another team. We had calls with the producers, pitching ourselves like we’re running for president. Alas, in the end, they went with the other team. We were a bit heartbroken, but that’s what fueled the script we’re working on now.
Well, this week my partner got a call from one of the producers and apparently the other team didn’t work out and we were asked if we’re still interested.
OF COURSE WE’RE STILL INTERESTED!
It’s not ours yet, we’re looking into contracts and all the business-y side of things, but man, I’m keeping my fingers crossed. This was a great reminder to me to stay focused, and keep pursuing what I want to do. I really believe the harder you work, the luckier you get.
I can’t wait to share the fiction podcast my writing partner and I have been working on for almost a full year now, but it looks like it might be another month or two before we will have the first recorded show.
This blog is for keeping me moving forward on my projects, wanting to have something to report each week. So, here’s what happened this week.
A few weeks ago my husband read about a podcast company that got a good chunk of VC money. I searched their site and only found non-fiction podcasts. We found the woman that’s in charge of new content, but couldn’t find her email anywhere. Just taking a complete shot in the dark I emailed the dreaded “info@” email. You know the one, the one that most likely goes into the trash bin.
Well, on Wednesday, about two weeks after I emailed them our pitch, the person who has to read those emails got back to me and said they’d forward my pitch on to the right person. I said “thanks” and that I knew it was a long shot and then also gave a little bit more information about the podcast. Wouldn’t you know it, on Thursday I got an email from the woman asking for more information about me and my writing partner and for some writing samples. Wahoo! Who knows if it will go anywhere, but it encouraged me to reach out to other companies as well.
On top of all that, we had a reading of the podcast on Friday. We were so nervous to see if anyone would even like it: is it too technical? is it not technical enough? is it emotional? is it smart?
Well, I’m happy to say, it went amazing! We took lots of notes and there are changes that we need to make, but I still feel like I’m glowing after Friday night. We’ve been working so hard and to get to hear it outloud and be impressed with what we’ve accomplished, what we came up with – all the time and frustration was 110% worth it.
It’s back to the “editing board” for us this week, but with a renewed excitement for this story we’ve been carrying for a long time.
“Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.”
Some bullets pass straight through. Those are really tough; a sudden death of a loved one, watching the buildings fall on 9/11 while walking over the Queensboro Bridge wondering what the hell was happening. But then there are the others, the many others that make their attempt, but only make it half-way, trying to lodge themselves inside. Rejections do that. Disappointments do that. Heartbreak does that.
I finished my first produced/written/starred-in short film last Spring. It was my first attempt and while I could tell you the many different areas that need work, I was excited to submit it to film festivals. The first rejection was disappointing, but I knew there were other festivals out there I was waiting to hear back from. The next rejection came and I started to worry. I can’t even count the amount of rejection letters I’ve received. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t put some fear and doubt in me about making the next one. This is something I’ve been working through this year and I’m still working on it.
Something happened this week, totally not art related, that has made me feel stronger and reevaluate that insecurity I’ve been carrying around with me since last Summer. I received kind of a bummer diagnosis at the doctor. It’s nothing serious and actually the diagnosis I had already kind of known about, but it hit me hard when I left the docs office. I felt defeated. I sat in the car and had a good cry. After that I surrounded myself with encouraging and caring words from my friends and my husband and while I still dragged myself around the rest of the day, I went to sleep that night feeling okay.
The next morning is when that bullet that hit started loosening from my gut. I went to the gym and got on the treadmill and suddenly I had this clear image of my body “healing” itself. It seemed that my body started rejecting the foreign object, and pushing it back out. I’m not saying I got rid of my diagnosis, but I did reject the way it had made me feel.
Some bullets stick in longer than others and if you’re not willing to address it, soon enough your body grows around it leaving it inside, letting it make itself at home. Once that “diagnosis bullet” loosened, my “short film rejection bullet” started to loosen as well. I realized I don’t need to make room for those foreign objects. I learned a lot from my first film. I’m proud of it. I will make another one. And another one after that.
As I mentioned last week, my intention with this blog is to post what I’m doing each week to further my goals in my writing and acting career. I worked with my writing partner on finishing up our second draft of our nine episode sci-fi podcast. We have scheduled this Friday to have a reading of it with actors so we can hear how it sounds. I am currently researching apps and the necessary equipment we need to produce the podcast (if any of you have any suggestions I would love some advice!). I’ve also scheduled a writing meeting with my other writing partner for Monday to work on our road-trip movie. Things are brewing!
In case you’re interested, here is the short film.